A New Record

WASHINGTON — The 119th Congress broke its own record Tuesday when it failed to pass a single piece of legislation for the 47th consecutive week, officially cementing its status as the least productive legislative body in American history.

"We're very proud," said House Speaker Tom Gridlock (R-Impasse), surrounded by empty chambers and rolling tumbleweeds. "Passing laws is easy. Not passing laws takes real discipline."

The Numbers

According to the Congressional Research Service, the 119th Congress has successfully passed:

• 0 budget bills
• 0 infrastructure packages
• 3 resolutions honoring high school football teams
• 1 bill renaming a post office that was already named that

"The post office thing is actually in dispute," noted a Senate aide. "Two members voted against it on principle."

Bipartisan Accomplishment

What makes this session remarkable, observers note, is the truly bipartisan nature of the inaction. Members from both sides of the aisle have worked together tirelessly to ensure that no compromise could be reached, no vote could be scheduled, and no committee could achieve quorum.

"In a divided country, doing absolutely nothing is the one thing we can all agree on," said Sen. Paula Stall (D-Permanent Recess).

What Comes Next

With the session technically still ongoing, members remain optimistic that several more weeks of nothing lie ahead. Leadership has penciled in a symbolic vote that everyone agrees will go nowhere, followed by a recess.

The American people were not available for comment, as they had given up checking.