A Historic Confusion

WASHINGTON — In what aides are calling "a historic first," Sen. Chuck Bluster (R-Somewhere Flat) mistook the laminated pocket Constitution for an appetizer menu during a bipartisan breakfast meeting Tuesday morning and spent nearly eleven minutes attempting to flag down a waiter to order "the Second Amendment with a side of due process."

"It looked like a menu," Bluster told reporters afterward, showing no sign of embarrassment. "Small, laminated, lots of options. You can't blame me."

The Incident

According to three witnesses who requested anonymity because they were laughing too hard to speak on record, Bluster snapped his fingers twice at Sen. Diane Worthy (D-The Other Coast) before she gently explained that the document in his hands had been ratified in 1788 and did not include soup.

"He asked if the Fourteenth Amendment was gluten-free," said one aide, who then excused themselves from the room.

Congressional Response

Leadership from both parties released a joint statement calling the incident "a reminder that we must all re-familiarize ourselves with our founding documents," which political analysts noted was a phrase that could mean anything.

Bluster's office later clarified that the Senator "has a great deal of respect for the Constitution" and eats it for breakfast metaphorically every single day.

What's Next

Historians note that this is not the first time a lawmaker has confused the Constitution with something else. In 2019, a representative reportedly used a copy of the Bill of Rights as a coaster. In 2021, another was observed trying to fold one into a paper airplane.

The Constitution itself was unavailable for comment, though sources close to it say it felt "used."